Just an inspiration and the wall put up between us and the world
by Midu Kagamine
Summary: Rin Kagami - a loner, a social misfit who just loves drawing, is searching for a certain person that can be her inspiration. Why is Len Kagamine, the popular boy of the school suddenly so willing to become her model, she will never know, but this surely leads to a lot of past revealing, love, and secrets.
1. Chapter 1

**My second story! I have to admit, I really fall in love with this story. Rin's situation and personality really matches mine ^_^**

CHAPTER 1.

People just hate to be alone…. But I really didn't mind at all.

Sometimes it hurt to be the only one who didn't have any friends at school, to have no one to count on whenever I break down…. But the time passed by and I soon learned how to deal with it. Eating alone, going to school and from school by myself, playing with nothing but the leaves falling from the trees and the snow that soon melted into rain, slowly became one of the habits that I found it really hard to get rid of. I didn't need anyone to full fill my typical life- I was pleased with my own little world. Why were people so scared of being a loner? They cling onto each other, acted like nothing could come between their hard friendship, even when they didn't like each other just a little bit. They just wanted to show the world that they were not alone at all. Outside. Behind their shiny smiles, were the broken souls, were the mental injuries that never recovered. They just tried to hide them all, tried not to receive the pitiful looks from the other people. They hated pity.

I was the opposite. I didn't have any mental problem and try to hide it by making friends with the other. I was just tired of this world- the world where people were so scarily fake- their smiles, their words, their everything. None of them were real. All they did was pretending. I just didn't want to become one of them. To belong to their society. I hided myself into my own world, where I could be my real self, where I didn't need to be fake, to pretend, to put up an unreal smile- like what all of them were doing.

One of the habits that helped me remain the link between me and the rest of the society, was drawing-yeah, drawing. I loved drawing people around me. With a pencil and a big sketchbook, I could quickly rough out the scene that I saw- a girl reading book, or a group of boys running after a ball on the school yard. I could confidently say that I was pretty good at this. I loved every picture I made- not only because of my interest in drawing things, but also because of the fact that my pictures would always remain the same as the way they were… even when the people in those pictures changed in real life. You see, people were changing- every one was changing. A nerdy, ugly girl at the school suddenly became a sexy, hot whore that did it with all of the willing boys in her class. A tender, caring teacher slapped his student right in front of his friends for some unknown reasons. An energetic, sociable boy slowly became quiet and invisible like he hadn't even existed. Changed, they just changed every day. By drawing and drawing, I could keep their past in my pictures- when they were their true selves, when nothing came into their lives and changed their personalities. When they weren't fake… or something like that…

A typical artist needs a special inspiration to make a masterpiece. And I wasn't any different, either. I longed for a certain person that could be my inspiration- a special, unique one that made me look at nowhere but only him. Make me draw only him. Make me attracted by his charm, by his reality, by something that I couldn't find in any other people. Help me make a masterpiece. Although he didn't come to me yet, but I still kept waiting and hoping.

'Len! Oh my god, do you see he is looking at me? His eyes are just so deep and sexy!''

''He is just, God-like. No girls in this school deserve him. He is perfect''

''I just wish he would talk to me once…''

The dark, low whispers around me made me look up. Oh, right. Len Kagamine. The boy of perfection. The girls talked about him, looked at him in admire, but never dared to get close to him even just a little bit. His face were emotionless and quiet, but there was something scary from that face that made all the other people, both boys and girls, become afraid of talking to him and making friends with him. He had no close friends at all. Always kept a certain distance to the world, put up a wall between him and the society. Just like me. But he was still noticed, admired and loved even when he didn't take any interest in all the students, while I was just like… invisible. But I wasn't jealous, of course, why should I be jealous, after all?

I used to draw Len Kagamine. Like, a lot, just as the way I drew the other students. When everyone had already gone back home, Len stayed at the school yard, lying on the grass ground, looking up at the sky with the wind blowing up his beautiful blond hair and the reflection of the clouds appeared in his blue, deep eyes. Those moments were the time Len couldn't be more perfect. And I usually sat behind the sakura tree, peeked at him, secretly roughed him out on my sketchbook with my typical pencil. He never noticed me, never knew that there was someone looking at him in the dark, which I didn't care, anyways.

'' Len… You are my dream'' A girl said dreamily, snapped me back from the old memory. Len had already disappeared into the school canteen, leaving the drooling fan girls behind, whispering his name rapidly.

Oh well. I was just sitting under the sakura tree, as always, eating my lunch alone with the pencil and the sketchbook like usual. This was my forever favorite spot- it was private, quiet, never noticed by any one else but me. Swallowing a piece of beef, I grabbed my pencil, wondered who I would draw today.

'' Kagami- san?''

My eyes couldn't be bigger when I realized whose voice that was. Len Kagamine was standing in front of me, with his box of lunch on his left hand, smiling tenderly at me. Shit, I must be dreaming. Since when did Len Kagamine, the cold, stubborn boy, learn how to smile with the other people?

''Y… yes?'' I stuttered in fear, still couldn't believe what I had just seen.

''May I sit here with you?'' He asked, still smiling, his deep blue eyes directed right at mine.

If this was a nightmare, please make it stop….Please…

'' O… okay…'' I replied, moved to the left to make room for him. He slowly sat down next to me, opened up his lunch box. I gazed at him, tried to catch his emotion, but failed.

'' Why do you want to eat here, Kagamine-kun?'' I asked. '' I always eat lunch here and have never seen you at this place before''

'' Noises''. He answered simply. I decided to drop off our conversation and come back with my own work. After all, it didn't matter if he was here or not; I still did what I usually do.

'' Who should I draw now?'' I picked up my pencil, deep down in thinking. I tried to focus on my work, but found it quite hard with Len keeping staring at me. What was wrong with him? Did he find it funny to stare at the other people like that? It really did creep me out, really did. I looked up from my sketchbook, to meet up with his deep turquoise eyes. He didn't look away, still…

'' What do you want, Kagamine- kun?'' I asked straightly.

And suddenly, unexpectedly, I found myself in an awkward position. Len's arms wrapped around my waist, and our faces were barely far from each other.

What the hell.

'' Kagamine-kun?'' I fearfully said.

''Just call me Len'' His thumb caressed my cheek, and I shuddered from the touch.'' I know you want to find an inspiration''

What he just said shocked me. How the hell did he know?

''Yeah… yeah'' I nodded.

'' Well then…'' He leaned closer, and I shakily put one hand on his chest, prevented him from being too close. '' I am willing to be one''

'' To be what?'' I titled my head to the side.

''Your inspiration''. Len said firmly, his long fingers hold my chin tight.

What?'' Kaga… I mean, Len….'' I stuttered in disbelief.'' I really think we should…''

''Please draw only me from now on, Rin'' He whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, I came back :)**

**Actually, I think my plot is quite misunderstanding if you don't really get into the story. I have tried my best to describe Rin 's thinking, anyways :) So hope you like it ^_^**

**Please R&R!**

CHAPTER 2

In such a close distance, I just realized that Len was purely perfect. Every figure of his was sharp and detailed like a lively art, and his deep turquoise eyes poured into mine like the waves of the sea, made me want to sink in those beautiful orbs like forever. Shakily, slowly, I raised my left hand to touch his face. God, he was a dream to every artist. Who didn't want to draw such a perfect, beautiful person? A masterpiece. A God-like art that no one could ever forget. He was right in front of me, leaning in my touch, lips just centimeters away from my nose. My heart beat rapidly. I'd never thought about Len in such a way since we'd never been so close before, but now, I could feel his perfection under my fingers, could feel his figure touching me, embracing me, sending a good kind of shiver down my chill.

'Well, what do you think?' He whispered again, patiently waiting for my answer.

My arms unconsciously wrapped around his neck. I would never allow such a good opportunity to go away easily. I wasn't sure if Len was the kind of inspiration I'd always been searching for, but… he was perfect, he was indeed a lively masterpiece- the reason why I hadn't realized that sooner, I didn't have any idea- maybe because I'd just always looked at him from far and wasn't close to him enough to feel how perfect he was. All I knew for now was that I didn't want to draw the other people any more ; I only wanted to focus on him, on this boy, wanted to transfer this humanic masterpiece into art…

'Len…' I whispered back, all of my fear and afraid at first disappeared so fast that even I was surprised. Just a minute ago I was a shy, fearful girl, scared of his sudden touches and closeness. I guessed the excitement has made me completely blind. ' I don't have any reason to reject your offer'

His lips curled into a pleased smile ; those soft, silky lips. Even them were perfect. Before I knew it, I was leaning towards him, captured his soft lips with my own. I wanted to feel it ; wanted to touch him every where I could. He was like a dream. The most beautiful art I'd ever seen, even more than all of the art in the museums. He was different from them, because he was real, he was the kind of art that people could touch and feel with their own figures, like what I was doing now. Kissing someone that I didn't love. No, it was just partly true. I didn't love him, I just fell in love hopelessly with his perfection…

Len's eyes were wide before they were shut ; he closed his eyes, moved his lips against my own lips. This feeling was so good. I tightened my wrap around his neck. If any one saw this, I believed they would faint. Len Kagamine making out with Rin Kagami.

A groan was heard but I wasn't sure whose it was. We pulled out for air, but then continued unhesitantly.

'What's with this sudden kiss, Rin?' Len asked, breathlessly, when we finally got off each other.

' I don't know' I admitted. ' But I… really love touching you, Len'. That was so embarrassing .'For some unknown reasons'

Len smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist again, resting his head against my shoulder.

'Me too'

[…]

That day was the start of our strange relationship.

Not really friends, but not really strangers, either.

I was still drawing, but no longer used my old sketchbook. My new one now has been already full of Len's art, from quick doodles to carefully lined pictures. I had to admit, I loved drawing Len. A lot. He just suited every kind of background and every kind of position, which surprised me and didn't surprise me at the same time. We still didn't change though ; he was still the popular boy who was surrounded by all of the students, while I was still fully ignored whenever they passed me at school. The only thing that was different was our secret link to each other. The link connected two different souls, made the two people who had nothing to do with each other become related.

Len and I barely talked. All we ever did was touching and hugging –just because no words were really needed, I supposed. I would sit comfortably on the roof top ,in Len's arm, busy with my art, while he just closed his eyes and listened to his ear phone quietly. God, I so loved those peaceful moments. The weather was cold and freezing, but as long as I was enjoying Len's warmth, it didn't affect me even just a little. Not even one bit…

Sometimes we did kiss as well. Those kisses were quick and hurry, but they still left my heart fluttering and my face turning bright red like a tomato. Everything started simply, he just looked at me, his hands slowly caressing my lips and then I quickly understood what he wanted. His soft lips connected with my lips, his arms wrapped around my body while my hands slowly crept up to his chest. I did feel guilty, however ; the fact that I just came to him because of his appearance, not his personality still haunted me every night and made me wonder if I was too cruel to him, if I was the kind of person who didn't have a heart at all.

But after all, he was the one who'd offered me to use him as my inspiration, and I just simply accepted. Moreover, making out with someone you don't really have feeling for wasn't such a big deal, I guessed- every girl around me always did it and never found anything wrong with what they were doing…

' Why me, Len?' I asked him one day, when we pulled away after a quick kiss. ' Why do you choose me out of all people, you know?'

' Every one is pretending' Len said, surprised me. How could his thought be so similar to mine? ' I don't want to get involved in such a low society, and you don't seem to be one of them'

' So….' I said, nuzzling my nose with his ' You mean you did notice me…'

'You always think you are invisible' Len said. ' But actually not. I always noticed you. I memorize every moment of yours, and when you are so busy drawing the other students, I just stand at the corner watching you secretly…'

A smile curled up my lips. Len was just so cute…

' You are never noticed by the other students' Len scrunch his nose. ' And sadly untouched. I want to be the first one who can touch you, to open you up, to learn what is behind your indifferent attitude to the world' I pressed my forehead against him. ' Maybe that's why I love touching you so much…'

' I love touching you too Len' I made a small laugh. ' We are so weird, aren't we?'

Well, we hugged, touched and kissed, but in fact we never really fell in love with each other. Or at least that was what I thought. I didn't know what did Len think about me and our relationship – he barely showed any emotion.

'Everyone is pretending'- Len 'd said, but his eyes at that time- sad yet somehow unreadable – told me that it wasn't the only reason why he didn't want to make friends with the other people. He was hiding something from me, but before I could find it out, I guessed I should just be pleased with the present and accepted whatever he told me.

Len didn't want any one to know about our relationship- which annoyed me, kinda. If I were him, I wouldn't care about what the other students think, those fake people. But Len for some reasons still asked me not to tell any one, and I didn't have any choice but to accept in annoyance. Yeah, that was the reason why we always met up after school, when every student had already gone. We never talked during break time, never went to classes together, just to hide our relationship from the world. To sum up, we were almost like strangers until after school.

We didn't say so much. The two loners who didn't have any friends really didn't need so many words to express what we were thinking. We just used body motivation and signals.

When we nuzzled our nose together, it meant ' You are so cute'

When we kissed each other's cheek, it meant ' It is a secret between us'

And when we peeked on the lips, that was when one of us wanted to say ' Please stay by my side'

' I am completely happy with this relationship' I thought while leaning on Len's chest as usual, my pencil started drawing out the first details of Len's face into the paper.

As long as he was pleased with our relationship, I would never want to give up on it, then.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the encouragement from you guys :3 I can finally write fan fictions now since the exams are over =))))))**

CHAPTER 3.

I was going to the locker with my head kept down. Ugh. How I hated the Chemistry teacher. Who did he think I was? I was the smartest in the class. My grades always ranked the first in every kind of subject. I wasn't too stupid to not catch up with his lessons by just staring at my sketchbook for a few minutes, so what was the point?

'' Rin''. He called. I was still busy finishing the lines of Len's eyes and didn't even notice. Well, I should put more work into his eyebrows. Make it darker, curlier, and then use a bit color too…

'' RIN KAGAMI!'' The teacher yelled angrily. Hatsune Miku, one of the most popular girls in my class, nudged me with her elbows and didn't forget to send me a glare.

'' What, Hatsune- san?'' I frowned, put my pencil down.

She just kept glaring and pointed her fingers to the annoyed teacher. I looked at him with my poker, emotionless face as usual.

'' Stand up'' He demanded rudely. I just slowly did what he said. '' Who was the first one to discover Electron?''

''Joseph John Thomson'' I answered nonchalantly.

'' And neutron?''

'' Emest Rutherford''

'' What are ultracold neutrons?''

'' They are produced by inelastically scattering cold neutrons in substances with a temperature of a few kelvins, such as solid deuterium or super fluid helium. An alternative production method is the mechanical deceleration of cold neutrons''

Every one was speechless. The teacher couldn't find his world in one minute, before getting himself back and yelling at me again.

'' What were you doing when I was teaching at the black board, Rin Kagami?'' He asked furiously.

'' I was just lost in my own thoughts, sensei'' I mumbled and bowed politely. '' Gomen''

'' Lost in your own thoughts, huh? With those papers and pencil?'' He mimicked me. '' This is intolerable. I have to give you punishment''

'' What is it, sensei?'' Like I even cared. My parents were going abroad so they couldn't know any thing about my studying at school. They never knew, in fact. Since I was at 6th grade, they were always absent from the house and slowly absent from my life as well.

Parents sucked.

'' Give that sketchbook to me'' He said coldly. '' And I will give you more homework than the others. You have to finish them before Friday''

I couldn't really hear anything since then. All I knew was '' sketchbook'' and ''to me''

'' NO!'' I whispered –yelled, clutched to the sketchbook tight. '' Never in a million years, sensei''

As a student, my behavior was unacceptable, I knew. But… still. I couldn't give it to him. All of my Len's arts were there, all of my current inspiration was there. What the hell was he thinking, punishing his student just because her answers to every question of his were correct, huh? You made me laugh, teacher.

'' Does that sketchbook have something you don't want me to see?'' His eyes were full of suspicion. '' Then I have more reasons to get it. Give that to me, Rin''

'' I said, never in a million years'' I carefully repeated what I'd said. The teacher blew up in anger and his voice raised so high that I was afraid the whole school would be able to hear.

'' INTOLERABLE! YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP ALL THE YARD AFTER SCHOOL, RIN KAGAMI!'' He impatiently yelled. '' DETENTION!''

Well, that was the reason I was here now. All alone. Len didn't go to school today because of oversleeping (well, at least that was what he told me on the mobile message) so no one was by my side at the moment. Sighing heavily, I opened the locker.

'' Why aren't you home yet, Kagami-san?'' Someone made me startle. Quickly gazing up, I saw Luka Megurine was standing in front of me, giving me a questioning look. Yeah, she was like, the most popular girl of the whole school who was 2 years older than me. She was pretty, talented, her grades were high and her charm made every boy she met have to fall under her. What did the students call her, anyways? Was that '' the girl of perfection''?

That nickname seemed so familiar.

'' Detention'' I replied shortly. Why did she even care? We didn't ever talk before.

'' Oh'' She shrugged half- heartedly.'' I just want to ask, do you know where Len Kagamine is? I didn't see him today, and if I am not wrong, you have the same schedule as him, do you?''

Ah. So that was the real reason. '' I don't know'' I mumbled. '' He doesn't tell any one''. Of course that was fake. Len 'd told me to keep our secret relationship from the others.

'' Really…'' She seemed disappointed.

'' Sorry for not being able to help you at all'' I replied formally.

'' No problem, Kagami-san'' She smiled.

The older girl soon disappeared, leaving me alone at the locker deep down in questions. So, even the popular Luka Megurine had noticed Len. Typical of him, always attracting people like a magnet. Love just had no boundaries, and age wasn't an exception.

I didn't know what I should feel about this.

[…]

'' Rin, I have just found out that you and Len really look like each other!'' Teto beamed happily. '' Except for the last names and birthdays **(yeah, in this story Len and Rin have different B-days)**, you two can be mistaken for twins''

Teto was the only classmate I usually talked to in this boring school. She was unpopular as well, but it was just because she was too shy to make friends with people – that was why she came to me. I gave her a strange, confused look.

'' We are not that similar, Teto'' I said.

'' I just told the truth!'' Teto didn't give up. '' His deep blue eyes, his nose, his lips,…they are all on your face, Rin! You are like the female version of him!'' And she laughed at her own jokes, which I didn't found to be funny at all.

Well, if we were that alike, then all the boys had to be attracted by my perfection just like the way every girl fell for Len. But in fact, I was just sadly ignored. Always.

I decided to drop off the topic and came back doing the assignment when suddenly a high, squeaky voice was heard. I looked up, found myself completely speechless with the appearance of Luka Megurine at the front door.

The most popular girl of the school.

What was she doing here?

'' Luka-sama, we love you!'' An overly excited fan boy yelled at the corner of the room.

'' Luka- sama!''

'' Please look at me!''

'' We always love you!''

'' Luka – sama!''

Luka acted like those voices didn't reach her ears. She passed all the students, coming directly to Len's desk, who was putting his ear phone on and listening to the music like the rest of the world didn't even exist. She slowly took the ear phone off, which made Len quickly annoyed and look at her with an uncomfortable frown.

'' What the fuck are you doing?'' He scolded, and all the students gasped. Luka was older than them, which meant Len, as well as the other students, had to treat her with all respect and politeness. But Len… oh Len. Didn't care about those stupid rules, did him?

'' Just want to say hello to you, you cutie'' Luka gave a small, warm smile, before leaning down and kissing Len's lips deeply. His eyes opened wide and his body stopped dead in track just like all the witnesses standing at the room. Luka closed her eyes, one thumb softly caressing his cheek while deepening the kiss. I could feel Teto shudder next to me.

'' That's all for today. Now I have to go'' Luka straightened up herself, said nonchalantly like what she 'd done wasn't such a big deal. '' I finally have your first kiss, Lenny''

'' It isn't my first one'' Len mumbled, but Luka didn't seem to hear and just walked to the front door. All the students silently stepped to the side to make way for the pink-haired.

At that very moment a new idea crossed my mind.

The boy of perfection and the girl of perfection.

Hugging each other. (Actually Len didn't hug Luka, but who cared)

And kissing.

That would be perfect for my next picture! An excited voice squealed in my mind. I always searched for perfection, didn't I? Len and Luka were simply perfect. Double perfection in one picture, oh my gosh, Rin Kagami, you were fucking awesome.

'' Excuse me Teto'' I hurriedly said and grabbed my pencil and sketchbook, but then Len's death glare, which seemed to said '' You will die if you dare to draw that scene out, Rin'' made me have no other choice but to fearfully put all the things back. Len was so scary when he was angry.

[….]

'' Ugh, don't be so messed up, Len. It was just a small kiss''

Len frowned at me, his hands continually raising to wipe off his mouth.

''Ew'' He growled. ''Rin, it wasn't ''

'' Actually, every boy at this school always wants Luka to kiss them…''

'' BUT I'M NOT THOSE PEOPLE!'' He flared up.

I gazed at Len, whose face was red deeply from anger and his eyes seemed like he really wanted to cry out loud on the top of his lungs. Heh , that was so cute, I never saw Len showing his emotion so much like that. Usually he was just an emotionless, quiet person who rarely said anything. I secretly thanked that Luka to make Len changed although just a little.

'' If you are so pathetic about that kiss, then…'' I whispered and silently put my lips on his. Unlike when Luka'd kissed him, Len immediately wrapped his arm around my waist, kissing me back. I could feel one of his hands put behind my head, trying to pull me closer.

'' This is too much Len'' I half- whispered, but sadly, it turned out to be a hopeless moan. Screw it. I felt my cheeks heat up from embarrassment.

'' Your kiss is much better than that girl's '' Len whispered back, his lips still hovering above mine. I breathed heavily, my heart beating fast for some reasons I didn't know... Roughly, I pulled away before the kiss got too far.

'' Well, Len'' I sighed, gazing at the cloudy sky. '' Sorry if this will make you annoyed, but I… uhm, oh well, really want to draw you and Luka kis….'' I slowed down after seeing the uneasiness on his face. '' You know my typical habit, don't you? Searching for flawlessness, that is what I am doing. And you two are called the boy and the girl of perfection. So I just think… uhm…''

I stopped talking when my chin was roughly held up. Len looked directly into my eyes, his fingers trailing down my skin. I shuddered.

''Nobody is real perfect ''He said. '' I may be the boy of perfection to everyone, but in fact, I am still flawed… And you, in spite of being quiet and nerdy, you are still beautiful to me….'' That praise made me blush. '' So it isn't necessary to draw that shameful kiss between me and that girl…'' He frowned. '' You can draw me and you kissing instead. You are the girl of perfection too, just in different ways''

Draw me and him kissing…. ? '' But I… I don't know how to draw myself'' I lowered my head, murmuring.

His face was centimeters away from mine, and before I knew it, our lips connected each other. Again.

'' Close your eyes, Rin'' He demanded. I quickly shut my eyes, still wasn't sure what he was going to do. My arms wrapped around his neck, and his hands rested on my tiny waist. A small sound like '' Click!'' could be heard in the darkness.

'' Done'' He said. I opened my eyes, just to see my phone was lying in his hands with a photo shown on its small screen. In the photo, he and me were kissing, with eyes closed, clutching to each other like the lovers who never wanted their halves to leave them, wanted to forever enjoy their endless, forever love. Just a simple scene, but the photo was beautiful. Even I couldn't believe the girl in that wonderful picture was me.

'' Len, this is…?''

'' You said you didn't know how to draw yourself'' Len's lips slightly curled up. '' So I just took a photo. You can draw us by referring to this picture''

'' But… '' I wasn't really sure.

'' And…'' He leaned in, nuzzling my cheek with his nose. '' Please never pair me up with any other girls''


	4. Chapter 4

**Continue the story, shall we? Well, and for one of my newest readers, Kagamine -RinCV02, I really don't want a miserable Rin, too, but you should prepare for some dramatic events in the future. Don't be nervous, surely Len and Rin will always be together!**

CHAPTER 4

I stayed silently at the desk, with the papers balled up and thrown onto the ground.

No…. This wasn't right.

'' You can draw us by referring to this picture''

This just wasn't right.

I couldn't transfer the photo from my phone into art much to my frustration.

I carefully lined up the picture, but then again, I erased all of them.

I drew again and again, then erased all immediately. Balling up the papers, I tossed them to the trash basket, putting out another one and starting the same process.

Come on, Rin. Just a simple scene. You used to draw many things that were harder to transfer into art, remember?

So why couldn't you handle this one? Why?

Another paper was ruined. Annoyed, I threw the pencil on the desk, tiredly burying my head into my sweat-covered palms.

Why? Why?

Actually, deep down in my heart, I could guess the reason.

This wasn't right.

A typical Rin Kagami only drew the real moments of people around her, when they were their true selves, when they didn't try to pretend. That was my only reason to get obsessed with art and drawing. I loved comparing the people in my pictures and in their real lives, to realized how changed he or she was. What they did and said, was then turned into my inspiration, an essential material for me to make up a perfect art without trying too much. And that typical inspiration wasn't in my mind right now.

All I wanted to draw was a kissing couple. A perfect, flawless couple who were admired and loved. And I could have done it so easily if Len hadn't persuaded me to give up the thought of drawing him and Luka and then suggested me to draw us instead. Drawing him and Luka was much easier,way far easier, because the kiss she'd given Len was filled with pure love and admiration- the most important thing in a love scene. Len and I 's kisses didn't have such kind of things.

We were not lovers. We were not even friends. We just, uhm, let's see… were at each other's company, made out, and stuffs. I didn't know any thing about him and neither did him. So how could I draw the scene of lovers kissing when the two people in the photo didn't even share that kind of feelings for each other?

The photo was purely fake. And I never drew fake things.

Sighing heavily, I put the pencil and papers aside. I wondered if Len 'd ever thought of me as more than a friend, if he was, like, had a crush on me on something. I meant, we did make out a lot….

But then, I guessed he didn't even think of me as a friend.

Our relationship was just simply between an artist and her inspiration and nothing special. He just came to me because I was different than all the other fake, pretending people, not that he found anything from me attractive, alluring or something like that. He never showed his emotion towards me, too. All he ever had was an emotionless face and sometimes a small smile when we pulled away from our kisses. That was all.

Plus, if he considered me as a friend, then perhaps he wouldn't want to keep our relationship as a secret to every one.

I knew, I shouldn't put my hope too high ; but come on, I didn't hope that he would fall for me or something – seriously, Len Kagamine and Rin Kagami ? All I wished for was that he could consider me as his friend.

I never really had any person who shared my thought and feeling – actually I used to have, but he'd far gone away from my life. And Len seemed to be alone. For the first time since high school, I longed to make friends with some one.

[…]

'' Len!'' The noises and whispers spread around the hall when Luka came up and went directly to Len's locker with a warm smile. Len just scrunched up his nose. '' What is your next class?''

'' Science'' He said rudely. '' Why do you ask?''

'' Science?'' Luka opened her eyes wide, tilting head to the side. '' At which hall?''

'' Hall D3'' I couldn't even see Len's lips any more. He bit them tight, trying his best not to explore in front of all the students.

'' Really?'' Luka beamed happily. '' I have some work to do there too, but I don't know the way. Could you lead me please?'' She offered, still smiling despite Len's frown.

'' I guess I don't have any choice'' Len mumbled, and Luka's eyes twinkled in happiness. She linked her arms with Len's, both of them left the main hall with the rest of the students still whispering. Since I had the same schedule with Len, I had to follow them although I really didn't want to.

Luka held Len's arm tighter, snuggled up against his body, and Len didn't do anything else to protest besides frown upon her. For some reasons, I didn't think I really liked Luka, no matter how she was called the girl of perfection or something. I had a feeling that behind her cheerful, cute expression she always showed was a complete different personality that no one ever knew- but after all, that was just my theory.

'' Oh, Rin!'' Luka turned her head back, her mouth opened slightly. '' I didn't know you were going on the same way!''

'' I have classes at Hall D3 as well'' I smiled a bit and replied politely. Len turned his head back so both of our gaze met. With an uncomfortable expression, Len tried to get his arm out of Luka's, but there was no use; her hold was way too tight much to his dismay.

'' Really, sorry for not having seen you earlier. I was too busy with Len'' She winked. I nodded, didn't really bother to answer her.

We continued walking in silence- no, not really, with Luka saying and laughing non-stop although Len didn't listen to her. When the class finally appeared from far distance, I silently sighed in relief, happy that the painful short trip eventually ended.

'' I have to go now'' Len snapped his arm rudely from Luka. Luka was taken aback, but she still smiled. That girl, ugh. She always smiled.

'' Thank you Len'' She said and gave Len a quick kiss on the cheek. Len didn't say anything, but as soon as she was out of view, he immediately raised his hands to wipe off his cheeks.

If Len hated Luka so much as he always showed, then he could have wiped his cheeks right in front of her, right? But he waited until she went away.

I guessed Len was not that cold after all. He still had a heart, he still didn't want to hurt other people…

''Uhm…'' I stepped to him awkwardly. '' Let's go into class, shall we?''

'' Rin… '' He looked into my eyes. '' You don't think that me and Luka are dating, do you?''

Why did he suddenly ask that? '' Of course n…''

My words dropped into air when my body was pushed back onto the wall. Len held up both of my arms and roughly crashed his lips with mine. My eyes opened wide in shock and my mind was mentally screaming.

Shit! Someone might see us!

'' Len!'' I yelled in a low voice, pushed him away. '' What are you doing?''

'' I just want to…''

'' Not in the middle of the hall you idiot!''

'' But…''

'' We can do it after school!''

Len stayed speechless, and I realized my fury had been going a bit too far. Sighing, I leaned in, quickly kissing him at the corner of his mouth.

'' I'm sorry. Just meet at the roof top then as usual''

[….]

I tried to wipe off the sudden kiss of Len at the hall and focus on the lessons.

Which was unsuccessful.

I never understood him, and now I realized I did, really, have no idea about his personality and stuffs.

He'd just pushed me onto the walls and kissed me forcefully despite my protest. Usually he never continued the kiss if I didn't want it or wasn't in the mood ; he would quickly pull away.

But now…. Right in front of the class's door. It was so lucky that no one hadn't noticed.

He'd… he'd acted like… he was afraid of losing something.

What made him so afraid of losing? Me? No, no way, it couldn't be the reason. Even until now we still barely knew each other! Besides the time we were together on the roof top, we were complete strangers. He never showed that he cared for me, even when the teachers punished me or gave me detention because of drawing in their classes, he never said anything to comfort me or at least gave me a look of sympathy. He just acted like nothing 'd happened.

Why could some one like that be afraid of losing me?

Len, I never thought I could understand you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for being so late! Here is the new chapter!**

**For the reader Flawed Sanity, I'm very sorry that you had to put up with my grammatical errors. You know, I'm not English or American, and mostly I write fan fictions in my own country language. I'm open to every criticism you guys give me, don't worry! Thanks for pointing out my mistakes, then.**

CHAPTER 5.

'' Rin, I'm sorry…''

'' I know it. You just try to make an excuse to leave me, right?'' The blond hair girl said with her tearful face. '' If you hate me so much, why didn't you just say it out loud? WHY?''

'' Rin! No…'' The boy dropped his luggage and held her face with both of his hands. '' I can't stand the thought of leaving you alone. I love you more than anything''

'' So why…'' The girl closed her eyes when his hand crept up on her head. He patted her hair tenderly, the other hand carefully wiped away her tears.

'' My father forces me to'' He whispered. ''I wish I could bring you along…. But I can't ''

The noises around the air port made his words fade away besides her ears.

'' I miss you…'' She wrapped her arms around his neck. '' I will never ever meet some one like you… You are the only reason why I don't back down, why I have the encouragement to live until this moment''

He looked at her.

'' This world is fake'' She murmured. '' The world people can never live with their true feelings…. I don't think I belong to here. What will things go on after you leave me? I will have no friends at all. I will have no one to share my thinking with. Please, how can you be so cruel? You are real to me more than ever, and now I realize that it is just a dream…''

'' Rin'' He leaned down, his lips hovering above hers. '' You have to live better and better. Don't go down jus because of me. That's the only way we can bury this pain into the past and forget each other….''

'' Does it mean that we will never meet again?'' She asked sorrowfully.

'' I'm sorry…'' He captured her lips passionately, closed the small distance between them. '' But I love you. I'll always love you''

'' Me too'' Tears swam in her eyes. She melted in his kiss, for once allowing herself to forget the cruel truth, to believe that this farewell was just a small nightmare. He would never leave her, he would never have the heart to do so… She just knew him too well as such.

[…]

It was already 8.55 am when I woke up from my bed.

That dream… it came back last night, after disappearing for so many years. I wondered why. Why did it have to come back at this moment, when I was already messed up with my current life. I had managed to forget everything, forget that he'd even existed, until now.

Drinking a small sip of coffee, I grabbed my phone on the table, went check the missed calls and messages. No calls, as usual, but there was one message. I didn't even have to take one sec to guess who the sender was.

'' I will come to your house at 9 a.m. Wait for me,'kay?''

Len definitely wasn't among the talkative type of boys. Even by messages, he never said too much.

8.58 am. I had two more minutes to clean up my untidy room.

I quickly gathered all of the clothes lying on the floor and threw them into the wardrobe, put the unnecessary things on the table under the bed. Then I used the handkerchief to wipe off the dust on the windows and the doors. Just right at the moment I finished, the doorbell rang and a low, sexy voice raised up behind the door.

'' Rin? Are you home?''

This wasn't the first time I'd heard his voice, but for some unknown reasons, I could hear a loud '' Thump!'' from my heart. Shaking my head, I walked to the door. Len smiled a bit when he saw me.

'' Why do you want to come here so suddenly, Len?'' I asked when both of us were already inside my room. Len was sitting on my bed, looking through the sketchbook.

'' It is Sunday and I have nothing to do'' He said.

Typical of Len. Always answered with just a few words.

'' I see…'' I nodded, didn't know how to continue this conservation. So awkward…

'' Just do what you usually do'' Len looked up at me and his lips curled up a bit. He handed the sketchbook back to me. '' Don't be disturbed by my appearance''

So this was what we were doing.

Len was lying comfortably on my bed, with his head resting on my pillow, reading novel. And I was at the table busy with colors and lines.

What exactly did Len think about me?

I couldn't understand. A person who never cared about the others suddenly became so interested in me, was definitely the strangest thing in the world. I knew, he came to me because I was different from the rest of people – I wasn't fake… but still. Besides hugging and making out, he actually didn't treat me any different from the way he treated the world. Still that emotionless face. Still that indifferent smile. Still acted like strangers when we were at school.

Who was me, to him?

'' Len… I have something to ask you'' I said.

Len looked up from his book. "Huhm?''

'' Just tell me the truth…. Am I important to you?'' My breath hitched when I waited for Len's answer. I always wanted to be his friend. Please say yes… Please…

A moment of silence passed by. His answer came out, surprising and much more cruel than I expected.

''No''

Everything darkened. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. '' Excuse me?''

'' You heard me'' Len lowered his head down, refusing to look at me.

This hurt. This was so hurt. I couldn't help but let the tears fall down. Why could he say such heartless words? What had I ever done to him? He was the one who wanted to meet me first and now he said like he didn't want my existence.

I thought I needed to go and calm down.

'' Sorry, I have something to do over there'' I said and quickly walked to the room door, but before I could even get out, Len grabbed my arms and roughly threw me on the bed. He kneeled down, sandwich me between his body and the mattress, and kissed me.

One of my arms wrapped around his neck, the other hand went up and played with his golden blocks of hair. Like I'd been waiting so long for that kiss. His fingers caressed my cheeks, wiped the tears away from my face. I tilted my head to the side, harshly pulled away from his mouth.

He looked at me. I hoped that he would say he didn't mean those previous words, that I was his one and only friend, that he needed me a lot.

But he didn't.

'' Please stay with me'' was the only thing he replied.

[…]

Everything was still normal after that day. Except the fact that I didn't meet Len afterschool anymore although I really did want to.

Even when I knew he was waiting for me, I still ignored it and went straightly home right after the school bell rang. My heart clenched whenever I imagined Len sitting alone on the rooftop, but he'd said he didn't need me, so why should I bother.

If all our time together was just a cruel dream, so please wake me up. Maybe I should come back to my old self, a Rin Kagami who had no friends, a secret artist who just looked at people from far distance and then drew them on the paper…

''Rin? I want to talk to you''

I sighed in frustration.

'' Teto, what now? Look, I'm really tired so…''

'' You know there is rumor that Luka-sama is dating Len-kun, right?''

Ok, that wasn't new. Since that sudden kiss right in front of people , many rumors had raised up. Luka hadn't given up since that day ; sometimes, I still saw her trying to catch Len's attention at the hall.

'' So what?'' I said.

'' I know it isn't true''

'' But it has nothing to do with me!''

''Actually it does''

My body stopped dead in track when those words went into me.

'' What… what do you mean?'' I stuttered.

'' Rin, I catch Len staring at you a lot in classes. When you pass him in the hall, he turns his head and looks at your back until you disappear. There is definitely something that happened between you two- why didn't you tell me?''

'' I have nothing to tell you'' Despite being pathetic inside, I still tried to act cool and calm more than ever. '' Just go ask him if you want''

'' But… Rin!''

'' I have to go now''

'' Rin! Please, just tell me…'' Teto grabbed my arm but I rudely pushed her aside.

'' For the last time, I say, I don't even know Len Kagamine. He is nothing to me at all, are you satisfied? Now let me alone, Teto''

''Rin…'' Teto murmured sadly, letting go of my arm.

The hall was completely empty now.

Was that me, or some golden blocks of hair was seen behind the hall door?

I guessed I was just seeing things.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6.

**Written by Midu Kagamine**  
**Beta-ed by Diamond Starlet**

**DS :Hello, this is the new beta speaking~ I'm sorta rushing through the editing but I hope it's fine... I wonder what the author has to say? (I can tell she took a long time writing this because even before my edit this was amazing. I just fixed a few of her habits in writing and changed the wording here and there)**

**MK : LOL so this is the first time I've worked with a Beta Reader. As I used to say, I'm having real problem in struggling to English grammar mistakes, but since she corrected them this chapter has been much better than my original one. Uggggggh I even have no idea if I am writing this author's speaking in correct grammar. Anyways, let's forget all of my mistakes and focus on the chapter now ;)**

* * *

The loneliness was eating me up and causing me to die inside slowly, day by day.

I'd always been used to being alone, used to the loneliness wrapping around me like an invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world, protecting me from reality. Even when Len came into my life and slowly broke that barrier to come closer to me, I was still calmly sleeping in the determined thought that his appearance had nothing to do with my emotions or feelings. Someday he would sign out of my life, and I confidently assumed that I would be able to accept his disappearance without any mental pain or tears.

But now the miserable fact was saying the opposite. I had been like a wreck since the day he abandoned me... No, he wasn't the one who left. That was me, I'm the one trying to push him further from myself.

I miss Len. The freezing cold on my lips just reminded me of his warm kisses and hugs.

The hall was crowded with students talking and laughing. I shrugged carelessly and walked past them, which they noticed but ignored, as usual. Some gossip girls pointed and whispered about me behind my back, but shut up immediately when I turned my head around. I sighed, the blood under my skin boiling. When would people stop judging the others and leave them alone? I was not interested in them and I bet, neither were they… so at least they should let me have some peace in this pure hell prison called school. I didn't want to be fake. I didn't want to try to become more social. I didn't want to change myself just to satisfy the society's standard. Simply, I wanted to be myself and it was all that mattered to me.

Turning my head back, I walked casually to my locker, hearing the whispers rise again. I shook my head, there is no way to change their thinking, right? I opened my locker and took out the necessary books for my next classes when suddenly a loud voice, obviously one of a boy, rose from the end of the hall.

"Loser!"

My hands froze and the books fell down on the ground. I immediately turned to see the boy, who was still keeping his satisfied smile and the cruel, heartless eyes gazing at my shocked face.

"Sorry?" The bewildered look on my face turned into a glare. "What did you just say?"

"Loser," the boy repeated, and the girls around him started laughing.

My patience couldn't take it any more. I went straight to them, raised my hand and slapped the boy on his cheek. His whole face turned to the side, his hands fumbling and his eyes showed pure shock and anger.

"Shut the fuck up!" I said. "I am invisible and I have no friends, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to defend myself when fucking losers like you insult me. Watch your words."

The boy held his cheeks, the pain was all over his face and he didn't seem to do anything to react. My hand- which was raised high slowly put down when a hard, heavy slap came right on my face.

The girl next to him glared at me with disgust in her eyes.

"How dare you call us fucking losers, bitch," she growled angrily. Her hands were still in my face, quickly turned to scratch my face with their fingers. I grabbed her wrist, trying to pull her away, while her other hand went up to grab my hair, yanking it tight. All the students stopped to look at the scene, but no one went in to stop her attacks. I didn't know if they were enjoying it, or if they were too fearful to save me. I was of no importance to them, after all.

I yanked myself away from her grip. The girl growled, her eyes red with anger. She took a step back and was about to push herself forward to me again when a tall, slim boy took her wrist with his fingers.

Her breath hitched.

All the students froze.

And my eyes were big like saucers.

"I thought bullying is not allowed at school," Len said, his voice was cold and full of hatred. "Do you want me to report this to the teachers?"

The girl shook her head, tears swimming in her eyes.

"So get out of my sight," he grumbled. For a second, the place was empty. It was now just me and Len who stood behind.

I hesitantly looked at him. I should at least thank Len, he had just saved me… but…

'Am I important to you?'

'No'

That short dialogue crossed my mind and made me unable to open my mouth.

Len didn't go away. He stood still, his deep eyes poured into mine, and his breath hitched like he was waiting for me to say something. But I simply couldn't. I avoided his gaze, focusing my look on the ground.

This was getting more and more awkward.

Finally, I looked up, mumbled a small 'thank you' to him and turned to go away, when he suddenly grabbed my arm, pulling me back. He looked at me, still saying nothing, but his eyes were practically begging me to say something to him.

'Am I important to you?'

'No'

"Please leave me alone," I said, not daring to look up to him. His grip on my arm tightened and I bit my lips, stopped myself from letting out any sound of pain. "I lost interest in you. You no longer satisfy my needs for inspiration any more. So I think this should be the end of us… and I should find a new person"

I felt his fingers on my arm trembling a bit. He caressed my face tenderly, lovingly, like he used to, and that deep pain in his voice couldn't be mistaken…

"I understand..." His voice cracked beside my ears. His warmth left, and he went away, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the hall.

My fingers balled into fists. I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. No, this wasn't worth it. This was nothing. I used to go through many things that were even worse. I used to be much braver. Rin Kagami wouldn't set tears over any one but him. Len wasn't an exception. Len shouldn't be an exception.

Closing the lockers, I headed for the next class, deciding to calm down.

Everything would be alright, I told myself.

But when I stopped at the door and saw Luka at the class, walking to Len and linking her arm with him, my heart shattered and the tears started to fall down again.

Why? Why was I crying? I didn't have the right to be jealous of her. I was never Len's lover, I was simply a social misfit who wasn't important to him, while Luka was the opposite. She was beautiful, perfect and everyone wanted her.

Luka wrapped her arms around Len's neck and hugged him. My mind was screaming at Len, telling him to pull away, but in fact he did not. He slowly raised his arm to wrap around Luka's waist, his eyes dull and emotionless. Actually his eyes were always emotionless… but this time it was different. He looked like he had lost the most important thing in this world and he didn't need any thing more…

Seeing them like that made me want to explode. I just wanted to yank Luka away from Len. I was a hopeless mess on the inside, but outside I still tried to act calm and cool despite the trace of tears on my cheeks. Len's gaze wandered around and met mine. I calmly looked back, did nothing to react, signaling the end of our relationship.

Then I turned and went out of the classroom.

Len didn't belong to me at all. I should have been aware of my position and gotten away from Len the day he first offered to be my inspiration.

If I'd turned down the offer, this wouldn't have happened.

If I'd turned down the offer, I wouldn't be in pain right now.

If I'd turned down the offer, Luka would have been Len's first kiss instead of me.

I was too greedy. If only I'd turned down the offer...

It was time for me to stop now.


End file.
